Well, I have been out of the Bitch Slap game for a brief period of time (due to the fact that, as previously mentioned, I now have a big girl job), and a lot of well deserved candidates have skated by without a verbal lashing by yours truly, but 3 recent events have boiled my blood beyond the point of self containment, and I have set aside the time to bitch slap them.
My first order of business:
Now this woman has the tendency to make my rage reach the red line on the radar, but her November comments are worthy of a literal bitch slap. After sexual harassment allegations were brought up against republican presidential candidate hopeful Herman Cain (don’t worry, I will get to him later) Ann took to the airways to defend one of her brood, and to hock her new book Demonic…(autobiography Ann)? On Fox’s Hannity, the uber- conservative Ann made claim after claim blaming the liberal lame-stream media for these derogatory allegations being lobbed at Cain, but her pies de résistance of her defense was that, “Our [conservative] blacks are so much better than their blacks.”
No joke people. And she did not say it once, she said it over, and over, and over again; apparently not realizing the idiocy, insaneness and ignorance of her remarks. After the show aired, many people were outraged, to say the least, but good ole Ann has not backed down from her stance. She also refuses to consider President Obama as a black liberal because he “is not a descendant of the blacks that suffered these Jim Crow laws,” but rather, “he is the son of a Kenyan, who didn’t go through the American experience.”
Where to begin….where to begin….. Oh fuck it. I hope you just realize how awful she sounds, and I don’t have to spell it out for you. Seriously Ann? I can take the fact that you are an extreme right wing republican, and I respect the fact that you stick to your guns. However, when your gun is aimed at your own damn foot, I tend to think that the person holding the gun is a moron; aka you. So, for remarks beyond comprehension and intelligence; you are here by Bitch Slapped.
My second order of business:
Mr. Cain (so many biblical jokes and puns are flooding my brain right now, but I will resist), I understand that your run for the republican party nomination for president was just a way to up your book sales (and let’s face it, did America really know who you were before you were thrown into this 3 ring circus?), but what in the hell was running through your pizza brain when you ran this ad?
This ad is odd enough with the music, and the creepy slow smile at the end that seems to say, “Come here little children, I have candy inside this rusty beat up van,” but then you have your chief of staff smoking in it. Okay… I know a lot of Americans smoke, and perhaps you were trying to appeal to “Middle America,” or whatever, but did you not see how much flack President Obama came under for his habit? Did you not take a look at this ad and think to yourself, “Well shit. This is providing fuel to the late night comedian-shtick fire?” If you decide to OK an ad where your chief of staff is smoking a cigarette on screen, I can only imagine what you are smoking off screen.
And since this add aired dear old Mr. Cain has backed out of the race for the republican nomination, which may be the first smart move he has made in the past several months. But, oh how I will miss the doltish droll of dumb sound bites that provide constituents brief moments of levity in an all too serious time. Herman, you will be missed, not for the right reasons, so, so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu; you are here by Bitch Slapped.
Kim Kardashian, and Family.
I hate to even mention this woman and her family on this blog (which has such a HUGE readership; Mom and Jenni) giving them more of the media attention they crave, but I just can’t go without dolling out my own brand of justice to this truly awful spectacle of… whatever the hell it is they claim to be.
First, the argument has been made, even by Barbara Walters, that this clan has no discernable talent, and they are simply famous for being famous…oh, and Kim’s sex tape with Brandi’s little brother. Seriously, if that was my claim to fame, I would go hide under a rock until all copies were burned, and the lasting memories were Men in Blacked out of people’s brains. That is just embarrassing.
But I will give credit where credit is due, and no matter how much it pains me to say this, the family has pushed the limits of their 15 minutes into a media and marketing empire, and love them or hate them, the American public can’t seem to get enough of watching the inevitable train wreck that is the Kardashians.
So why then are they being bitch slapped, and not the viewing public which feeds into the middle child syndrome of this family? Well because unless you have been hiding under that aforementioned rock, you are well aware of the 72 day marriage and subsequent divorce of Kim and Kris Humphries. That was pretty much the straw that broke my tolerance level for this family.
My roommate (Jenni) and I had no sooner watched the wedding special on one hung-over Sunday afternoon, when the mindlessness of this type of programming was all my brain could handle, and then just a few days later the announcement of the divorce hit the media circuit; cue the backlash of the same people who built this family up to be where and what they are. This is an example of one of America’s favorite pastimes; building people up just to tear them down.
So you know what, I am changing this from bitch slapping the Kardashians, to bitch slapping the American public (myself included). We need to stop complaining about the media outlets, and 24 hour news cycles for continuing their coverage of these people because they are essentially just giving us what we ask for. Let’s make a New Year’s resolution; stop caring and talking about the Kardashians and they will hopefully fade into the same oblivion that has claimed the famed life of Paris Hilton. So America; you are here by Bitch Slapped.