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Internet AA

Recently I became a REAL adult, and it only took a quarter century, but hey, by today’s standards I am considerably ahead of the curve…or at least I like to think so.  Along with a new job and a new car, my adulthood also came with a new place to call home (not really Mom, our house will always be home).  When moving, it seems that it is all those little things you don’t think about, and you don’t realize you need them until you need them, like tin foil (okay, many people may realize they need this, I however, am no whiz in the kitchen, so I did not).  One of the things my roommate made sure we would have prior to our move in date was internet and cable.  I mean, I can go without plates for a month, but internet I. NEED. 

So, we moved in on a Friday, and our internet was scheduled to be hooked up that coming Monday.  I could survive for 3 days right?  Yeah. Turns out I could not.  My parents finally, and ecstatically, moved me out on Friday, and I was right back at the house Sunday stealing wireless from them…bet they wish they had changed those locks faster!  Then Monday rolls around and it turns out that Verizon (did I mention that is where we were getting our internet from) had to cancel our appointment, and they would not be installing it until the following Monday. ONE WHOLE WEEK?!  I barely lasted 2 days, how in the hell was I going to go 1 week: 1 week without checking Facebook, watching stupid YouTube videos, downloading music, watching Netflix Instant, reading blogs, or writing them for that matter?

Again, I could not.  It was a gradual step down process, kind of like the nicotine patch.  I could only stop by my parents house on my way to and from volleyball practice, and the sessions were quick; limited to essential emails, and quick scans of my favorite blogs, and a little internet shopping (after all, a new job requires a new pair of shoes). 

Come Sunday night, my roommate and I sat in our living room watching the 30th movie of the week, and she complained about how we COULD be watching Jersey Shore if we had cable (man, if only MTV would repeat their shows), but I must admit, I too was beginning to get shaky from lack of world wide web exposure.  Every time we watched a movie and recognized an actor/actress and posed the question, “What else was he/she in?” we could not just IMDB it, so the questions were just left hanging in the air like the lost dreams of children…. Yes. I just typed that gem of a simile. Cue the melodrama.

Then the horror of all horrors, the tragedy of all tragedies, the absolute most unthinkable thing happened…Verizon went on strike.  I kid you not.  They called my roommate on Sunday evening, informing us that, “All installations were on hold until further notice.”  My jaw dropped, and I was rendered speechless.  It was like being cast back into the stone age (90’s); a primitive era without the information super-highway; unfathomable to the modern tech savvy youngsters of today, who have no idea what life was like “before.”  So this, along with an abundance of time due to lack of mindless entertainment at my fingertips, got me thinking, “What WAS life like before?”

Well, after considerable meditation and inner soul searching, the answer is, that it was pretty damn great.  And this led me to another epiphany; being born in the mid 80’s was the greatest time to be born (clearly no bias went into this epiphany).  Just think about it.  We (me and my fellow mid 80-ers) were born in a time when kids could still be kids. A time when you had to actually call your friends on phones that connected to the wall if you wanted to play, or hang out.  A time when you had to go “knock up,” at their house, face to face if you wanted to see them, and not just poke them Facebook to Facebook.  It was a time when you sat in the same room with your opponent while playing Super Mario Brothers, the original, or Super Mario Brother 3 (did anyone ever actually play Super Mario Brother 2)?  It was a time when we trounced through the gully, tried to grow tadpoles into frogs, spent countless hours in the fort picking flashlight tag teams, or passed actual hand written notes in class….or was that just me and my friends?!  Well. You get the point.

I hate to sound cliché, and old, but seriously, it was a much more innocent time, and I would not trade the freedom of my childhood for the overexposed childhoods of today for anything.  Prior to YouTube kids only had to worry about embarrassing videos of them as youngster coming to light at their graduation or wedding days, but now “David after Dentist,” becomes an internet sensation over night.

Now, you might be saying, that while this is true, many generations had carefree childhoods prior to those children born in the mid 80’s; which leads me to my second reason why my generation is the greatest.  While we were given the freedom to grow up without an international spotlight, we grew up at a time that teetered on the precipice of one of the greatest inventions/discoveries(?)  since the wheel (am I being melodramatic again…mind you I am still without internet). 

We were still young enough that when the minds of silicon valley began to take over the world we were able to adapt and grasp every advancement that came along, while many old luddites of previous generations were reluctant to surrender their anonymity for the seemingly smaller world the internet created.  I still remember my first Nokia cell phone.  It was purple, the size and weight of a small brick, and it did not have the capability to text, but it started an almost drug like addiction.  I now feel like I am missing a limb if I walk out of the house without my cell,  and that is how I feel without internet.  What did people DO prior to these modern conveniences(?)?    

While I am glad to have had the time to reflect on life “before,” I don’t think I could go back.  It is like the time I discovered double stuffed Oreos… I just can’t go back to eating an Oreo with only 1 layer of white gooey goodness.

As you may have guessed, Verizon ended their strike, and I have tumbled head first off the internet AA wagon, but it is still a blessing to know that there was once a time when I went for more than 2 weeks without internet, and I didn’t even notice.

Filed under humor internet Verizon 80's